"...I've Gotta Ditch This Hole."

this crowd of thoughts is dizzying
picking a path betwixt and amongst the consumed
trying to stay sharp throughout the chains of act-and-reactions
so often estranged from this world,
a mere curious observer, capturing the essence of this other life from a standpoint in an alternate reality,
beyond the outskirts of them,
of there.
the here and now includes my red and black backpack, and this faded navy baseball cap. the sublime sun, ink-stained brown pants, and a pair of black and white kickers on feet that flail in a mortal existence.
Confined to the boundaries of my skull, I have never really been a part of here... there has never been a now.
The crises looming, yet escaping the concern of the masses,
strips bare to my eye a humbling portrait of
our planet,
the dust speck.
and it is in bewilderment, that I flounder over the subjectivity
of microscopic organisms
and their position
in the human dominated hierarchy.

Pleasant Stagnation

a moment to reminisce.

days of old
days of calm, and patience.
months of clarity, near fulfillment.

now the busy worker bee
distracted for too many hours a day without creating
anything other than clever excuses as to my purpose in working.

nonetheless
in love, and admired.
hard working, and desired.

vivid dreams, and waking glory
comforting flaws, and the perfect story

idle aims, and racing thoughts
saving face, and taking shots

never punctual, but I always arrive
playing chicken with volcanoes
somehow,
I survive.

In amusement and awe
with a smirk of a smile
rough, yet content
just to stall for a while.

Tragic

the scent of peace
the scent of pride
the scent of which I cannot hide

daisy petals in the wind
another daydream full of sin

Balance

I remain the face I always was
with slightly more sharpened eyes
this air of confidence still clings to me
shining, clear and strong like the sun
yet I find, at times,
these exterior rays cannot pierce my clouded judgment.

I have learned to love myself
and practiced it so long that it is now natural
to embrace everything I am.
I feed my head,
utilize my body,
stroke my soul...
but am often distracted
as underneath it all,
I strive to fulfill the yearnings of my heart.

it seems,
when I embrace everything
that another is,
I'm spread too thin
betwixt them
and myself.
and as my head's hungering for nourishment
I start to sink teeth into my soul.

it is an art I've yet to master,
that,
of remaining uplifted
while uplifting another.

so lovely to be loved,
yet so facile to be loveless.

A Year Ago Today

we miss you.

Troy

I shiver, cold without your warmth.
I dream of adventure
as promised by the mountain relief maps
in your eyes
a landscape yet to be discovered
your hidden universe
your soul's terrain

I don't need much to be comfortable;
independence, and some breathing room
contemplative time, and a habitat to be human
a few good-natured folks with sharp tongues in soft mouths
and the knowledge that when all else drifts or fades

we won't.


I love the heart that pumps blood to your brain.

Of the Intangible, and the Trivial

this head soaks up books too fast
even while forcing the eyes to slow
and reread paragraphs to savor.

the more I know,
the less meaning I put into reality.
not much of what we have deemed reality
is real.
I refuse to live out this illusion.
I will not be a part of this consistent widespread ignorance
that has become typical of our species.

open your eyes
to the expansion of the universe
the formation
and inevitable destruction
of worlds
and how such extreme complexities
can still yield to a fundamental set of physical laws.
think for yourself, of relativity and time,
of the knowledge and impossibilities of a thousand years ago,
or a hundred years ago,
even ten years ago,
and what is known and possible today...
what will be known and possible tomorrow.


I've realized
my aspirations should rival my potential.

I recognize the fact
that I cannot learn what I desire to apart from the system,
that I must be a part of it
to this alone, I have resigned.

and so
I have decapitated and dismembered
a thousand old dreams.

yet throughout I have forged for myself a mission
similar, yet drastically altered, to my prior purpose.

the death of an old ideal;
the birth of another.

Oka (penned one summer night)

echoes of Australia
pounding feet
fluttering lashes
and limbs

these beats take me over
take control of my mind
and my matter.

I wish to eliminate the fabric casing
of my shoes
allow my bare feet to play
within the sands
instead of stones.

take from me this sweater
and the chill that causes need for it
replace it with the warm wind
and the bare minimum
a flowing sheath
hardly hiding golden skin
that glows continuously
after the sun has set.

these beats take me over
transform my surroundings
and there
the heat of the fire
and here
the sand between my toes
and this
the sea salt in my hair
eyes shut
feet pounding
swaying
weaving
earthy mix
of fluid and jagged movements
surrendered to the soul
that thrives off of music
feeling the freedom
of dance.

Teething for Wisdom

so many titles never consummated
just insignias for a blank slate
clear and fresh as untrodden blankets of snow

so many ideas deprived of the follow up
simple phrases left shimmering without elaboration
raw foods never doctored into the once destined gourmet meal

the moment arises
the time has come, hesitated...
and gone.
become intrigued, aware, yet
elusive of the pen
contemplative, curious, yet
passive
the moment passes.

languid hands
barely flex an expressive muscle.

All of this with Eyes Closed (Yin Yoga)

falling into sleep
or falling out of consciousness

not classical consciousness,
as in the kind that sweeps the nation
(not only ours, but all)

a deeper comprehension
regarding the same word
to reveal
a heightened internal awareness
an alteration of reality

dimming the atmosphere
of the broad spectrum of existence.

when mere seconds can last like eternity
and following minutes waver and fade
the body both a grounding base and drifting portal
while the mind will
feel
infinite

intentionally relaxing despite tension
physical strain
softening
soothing
slowly
into

c
a
l
m
.
.
.

confidence submerged in a steady journey through stillness,
concentration,
focus on the flow of energy anatomically,
physiologically,
limitless freedom from external disruptions,
distractions,
denial, repulsions, attractions

observant,
aware.

and finally,
this lifeforce, and the power we possess
is evident
with the subtle sensations from invisible molecules
the intensified vibrations created
by the extensions of our inner being
that potentially become
healing hands.